I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
