Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize