i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
