and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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