She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
