The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
