My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
