Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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