I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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