Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize