you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
