i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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