I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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