A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
