Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
