How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
