There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
