u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
