Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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