i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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