Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My balls are so social today.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
