I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
