Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
