I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
