what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
