This house was built for laser tag.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
