just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
that is very illegal...i love you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
