i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
