drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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