You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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