Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
