Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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