well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
