I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I CAN MOONWALK!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize