dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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