He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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