We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
