Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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