THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i came on her dog
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
