If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
