and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
