someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
