I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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