And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
