Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
