Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
