I'm lost and stupid without you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
