Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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