was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
