jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
