i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
