9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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