He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
