so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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