Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
