Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
