I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
