in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
