think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
