The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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