yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
