woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize