I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it was like his penis was on wheels.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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