I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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