shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
