The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A bitchslap is in order.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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