She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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