I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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