it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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