OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
