Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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