there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
